idBlog

What am I doing with my career...?

2010-01-19T21:26:00.004-05:00

I'm told that I'm at a "cross-roads" at this stage in my career - I need to make a decision. In the words of the management consulting world, I need to decide between being a subject matter expert (a SME) who delivers professional advisory services and being a manager who focuses on selling services to clients. A SME is the "hired gun" whose services are sold to clients by managers and business developers. The typical economic model for a (publicly held) consulting company has SMEs and other more junior consultants earning compensation equal to some portion of the hourly bill-rate that is charged to the client. Meanwhile, managers and business developers get paid significantly more (in salary and bonuses) than the SMEs because they are seen as directly responsible for generating the revenue from the services sold. So it would seem that the decision comes down to "how much money do I want to make?" and "do I want to pay the price to make that kind of money?"

I thought that I had already made this decision after a thoughtful meeting with a colleague toward the end of 2009. I had decided that I do not want to follow the career path that leads to a focus on business development and selling. I don't want to sell the work; I want to be the expert who does the work and is fulfilled by doing it.

However, now I'm wondering. I'm wondering whether I need to invest some time and energy to ensure that I have control over the things I get to work on. If I leave it up to some group of managers and business developers, I'll be called upon to work on whichever client projects are bringing in revenue at any given time. But if I can build up a small group of people who can develop delivery assets, generate client demand and sell a consistently replenishing pipeline of business, then I could, in theory, be free to focus on the projects that I want to work on. Once again, I guess it boils down to the question of "is the freedom to decide how I spend my time worth the up-front investment?"

15-Second Marketing

2009-03-21T14:07:00.003-05:00

Got motivated to write this down after reading a newsletter from StevePavlina.com and linking to the post on 15-Second Marketing - otherwise known as the "elevator pitch".

Here's my take on "what I do for a living" or "what is the value that I generally offer":

"I help people make sense of complex situations to decide what to do next."

I think that covers it at a high level. The more boring answer would allude to expertise in project management, enterprise architecture and coaching good decision-making processes through my job as a management consultant. But, when you get right down to it, my favorite thing to do - that thing that I can't help doing whether I'm working or not - is pretty well captured in the elevator pitch above.

I'll have to see what kind of conversations this inspires when I use this line and see if it continues to feel like it fits me. I'd like to see if I can coach others where I work to condense the value proposition for our various service/solution offerings down to a more hard-hitting core message similar to this elevator pitch exercise.

Neat jobs site

2008-01-21T17:05:00.000-05:00

Bureau of Labor Statistics - Career Guide to Industries

A good way to see what's out there and see what you might want to do.

Cool pedometer tool found on IDblog.org

2008-01-13T19:22:00.000-05:00

This google-maps tool allows you to calculate walking/running/traveling distances and even a bunch of other options.

Perhaps the greatest metal song and video ever...

2008-01-13T14:35:00.000-05:00

Dimmu Borgir - "Progenies of the Great Apocalypse"

Site Feeds are cool

2006-10-15T17:33:00.000-05:00

But they're hard to use unless you have lots of time to read lots of crap on the internet. Let me modify that comment. They're a good usability feature to add to any regularly updated site but it really doesn't matter how aggregated your info is... too much is too much.
icon here:

The Expectation of Speed

2006-06-08T21:27:00.000-05:00

Today was very difficult for me. I can trace most of my frustration to one domino-toppling source: network latency.
I worked from home today because the nature of the work I had to do mainly required me to just sit and read - reviewing many pages of technical documents to form some impressions and document some analytical and useful questions. However, to begin reading these documents required me to access them on the company network via my VPN connection. Due to an internet and VPN connection that was spotty at best, routine application tasks like checking e-mail and the necessary downloading I had to do took hours instead of minutes. This lack of expediency seriously threw off my usual pace of work and had a snowballing effect on my level of frustration throughout the day. I hardly got anything done - at least nowhere near what I set out expecting to be able to accomplish. Because I had this expectation of being able to do so much in so little time, I was groaning with impatience and stress all day.

And my wife kept walking around wearing my boxer briefs, which was really distracting.

Then, without any sense of accomplishment to buoy my spirits, my family dinnertime and bedtime obligations had to be met. Before I say anything else, I must point out: I love my kids and I love being with my wife and family at home. I just hate the feeling of constant struggle and "fire fighting" tactics that I am forced to employ to take care of the kids and get anything done when they are involved. I realize now just how much I relish the feeling of control I have when I am working on a computer and a network that works. At work, I am the epitome of optimized velocity: I issue a series of commands, I get the desired results, and I move on to tackle additional tasks - sometimes two or three in parallel - efficiently and easily. Contrast this with attempting to manage a 2-year-old through a simple task:
Me: "Alright, time for a potty break!"
2yo: "No!"
Me: "Come on sweetie, you don't want to have an accident do you?"
2yo: "Yes, I do want to have an accident."
Me: "OK, let's go. I don't want to argue with you."
2yo: "No! I'm going to FIGHT with you... hee hee hee!"
Me: <clenching my teeth in restraint> "You're not being a good listener. I'm going to give you to the count of three to start walking to the potty. If you don't go, you're going to have to sit in time-out.
2yo: "No!"
Me: "Onnnnne... twooooooo... three! Alright, that's it - you're going to time-out."
2yo: "No! I don't want to go in time-out. I'll go to the potty."
Me: "OK, let's go then." <she starts to walk toward the stairs that lead to the bathroom, then she flings herself onto the floor and starts rolling around defiantly, laughing all the way>
Me: "You are not being a good listener. I want you to get up and go to the potty right now!"
<she stands up and runs to the other end of the room>
Me: "Don't run away from me! *sigh* Come back here! *long sigh*... OK, I got ya."
<I carry the girl to the potty and put her down in front of the toilet>
2yo: "No, I don't wanna go potty!"
Me: "Stand up on the stool and pull your pants down. It's time to go potty."
2yo: "No, I don't wanna go potty!" <she stands still and stomps on the floor>
Me: "Do you want me to help you?" <I start to reach for her pants' waistband>
2yo: "No, I wanna do it myself!" <she takes her pants and underwear all the way off and sits on the potty>
Me: "Good job. Tell me when you're all done."
<I hear some peeing. Then 10 seconds goes by. Then 30 more seconds and no signs of any more potty activity.>
Me: "Are you all done?"
2yo: "Nope."
<30 more seconds go by - she's shifting and pivoting in place on the toilet seat, looking at and naming everything in sight in the bathroom, asking several 'what's that for?' questions about each identified object, singing, etc.>
Me: "Are you all done now?"
2yo: "No."
<10 more seconds of singing...>
Me: "Are you all done?"
2yo: "Yes."
Me: "OK, now wipe, and put it in the toilet, then flush."
2yo: "Yeah, we have to put the paper in the potty." <flush> "All done."
Me: "Good job, now let's get your clothes back on."
2yo: "Yeah. Daddy, can I have a potty treat for going to the potty?"
Me: *sigh* "Sure sweetie. Let's go."
2yo: "GIVE ME A PIGGIE BACK RIDE TO THE KITCHEN!"

Clearly, it is my expectations that are causing my frustration and stress. But these expectations are difficult to surrender, and I thoroughly enjoy the feeling of speed and efficiency. If I were able to live without such pressing expectations, I could "go with the flow" and not worry about whether a child took 30 minutes to use the potty or just ended up peeing on the floor. The 2-year-old certainly seems to savor every moment of her life this way - even if it means going from joyous smiles to broken-hearted crying in 3 seconds flat. Maybe I need a piggie-back ride...

I need to go find my wife in those short shorts. I have no expectations; just the sincere hope of some adult quality time.

Shame and the Butterfly Effect

2006-05-25T21:13:00.000-05:00

Heard this story on the radio...
Within a span of about five minutes I first felt terribly angry that these injustices and atrocities take place in the world, and then I was overcome with a sense of extreme thankfulness that the awful conditions that were being described were not those of my own life. It was a real "there-but-for-the-grace-of-God-go-I" moment; there's no reason (other than my good fortune of being born here in this country to my wonderful parents) that I couldn't be in the awful situations that are being endured by those people in Cambodia. The fact that these problems exist, that we know about them, and that we choose to not do anything to address these problems should be a source of profound shame for our country. When you think of the CRAP that we find to spend our money and effort to do - whether it's ill-conceived nation-building, Congressional pork-projects secured through an absurd ear-marking process, or just the amount of tax dollars wasted by some of the unmotivated, unimaginative people in the bloated federal workforce - it is positively shameful that something so obviously heinous going on in the world does not receive more attention and resources to improve the lives of those in need.
Though my feelings of outrage and shame are real, I can't say that these feelings are very effective in moving me to act in response to this new-found awareness of atrocity. I guess I feel like the problem was there before I heard about it and it will continue to be there tomorrow. The only action I feel I can take is to post these thoughts to the web and pray that the impact of feelings shared through words and ideas will propagate from person to person until my butterfly-flapping expression of feelings may eventually cause the required cyclone of meaningful decisions in someone in the world who is in a position to make a real, tangible difference for those in need.

States I've Visited

2006-05-22T23:12:00.000-05:00

create your own visited states map

Why write about it?

2005-03-27T13:01:00.000-05:00

It is strange that the act of writing a journal or diary entry has been so widely accepted for so long while the act of talking to oneself outloud has been considered to be the sign of an unstable mental state.
"So why write about it at all?", one might ask. Therefore, I pose the question rhetorically for my own purposes... The answer is probably the same as why I write about "what am I doing with my life?" sorts of questions: by expressing the thoughts on a page, the feelings are made manifest and therefore more tangible and controllable. I feel a sense of control when I can articulate my thoughts. If something can be said clearly, then it must be possible to understand it. If a problem or series of symptoms can be well understood, then a solution or a cure cannot be far off, right? Or so my thinking goes...
Writing about my feelings of failure does nothing to make me feel like less of a failure. Quite the opposite, really... analytical reporting exercises like this are more about wallowing self-pity and self-flagellation than about any real resolution to change my feelings. Other than a brief surge of hope that comes with the feeling of control from putting words on a page, I don't understand my (or anyone's) tendency to want to expose one's thoughts to the universe through language. Does saying (or writing) something out loud - outside of one's quietly simmering head-soup of thoughts - really have any impact on one's ability to cope with those thoughts and feelings? I could see where reading that someone else feels the way that I do could have a comforting and confirming effect on me. But then why do I bother to write for myself? I'm certainly not expressing this stuff in the hopes that I make someone else feel better and I don't have any realistic expectation of having this be the start of a dialogue. Writing like this is little more than me talking to myself.

What am I doing with my life? - Part 1

2005-03-06T21:48:00.000-05:00

The question I really want to answer is, "Why am I doing what I am doing where I am doing it and is that what I ought to be doing?" In some ways, answering the question of what I am doing now is pretty easy. Rather than describing what I do now, let's start by answering...

"What do I want to do?"
I mainly want to do work that I like. "Work that I like" includes virtually any activity where I can wrestle with communicating clearly and convincingly. I like writing analytical prose, having searching discussions with one or more persons, and graphically representing relationships and other quantitative and qualitative information.

Those may sound like pretty generic descriptions of things to do. But ever since I decided to pursue a degree in philosophy, I've known that searching for and illuminating meaning in this world is just what I do.

As long as I can find an environment where I can do that work, does it matter who I work for, or what long term goals my productivity is supporting? This is another way of asking my central question...

There are a number of other related questions to answer:

Am I doing the sort of work that I want to do?
If I know what I like to do, isn't it possible to do that work in almost any environment, for any company or client?
If I can do fulfilling work for the DoD, what's wrong with that? Why not work for the DoD? What do I like and not like about working for a DoD client?
What would I gain from being promoted to the next level? Why would I want to be promoted? Does being promoted allow me a greater or lesser opportunity to do the work I want to do?
If being promoted does not increase my opportunity to do the work I want to do, then how should I steer my career? Is my current company the right environment for me to enjoy sustainable growth in the direction I choose? Does staying in this environment imply a choice to do whatever job approximates my desired work as long as I can be sufficiently compensated?