Sunday, March 27, 2005
Why write about it?
It is strange that the act of writing a journal or diary entry has been so widely accepted for so long while the act of talking to oneself outloud has been considered to be the sign of an unstable mental state.
"So why write about it at all?", one might ask. Therefore, I pose the question rhetorically for my own purposes... The answer is probably the same as why I write about "what am I doing with my life?" sorts of questions: by expressing the thoughts on a page, the feelings are made manifest and therefore more tangible and controllable. I feel a sense of control when I can articulate my thoughts. If something can be said clearly, then it must be possible to understand it. If a problem or series of symptoms can be well understood, then a solution or a cure cannot be far off, right? Or so my thinking goes...
Writing about my feelings of failure does nothing to make me feel like less of a failure. Quite the opposite, really... analytical reporting exercises like this are more about wallowing self-pity and self-flagellation than about any real resolution to change my feelings. Other than a brief surge of hope that comes with the feeling of control from putting words on a page, I don't understand my (or anyone's) tendency to want to expose one's thoughts to the universe through language. Does saying (or writing) something out loud - outside of one's quietly simmering head-soup of thoughts - really have any impact on one's ability to cope with those thoughts and feelings? I could see where reading that someone else feels the way that I do could have a comforting and confirming effect on me. But then why do I bother to write for myself? I'm certainly not expressing this stuff in the hopes that I make someone else feel better and I don't have any realistic expectation of having this be the start of a dialogue. Writing like this is little more than me talking to myself.
"So why write about it at all?", one might ask. Therefore, I pose the question rhetorically for my own purposes... The answer is probably the same as why I write about "what am I doing with my life?" sorts of questions: by expressing the thoughts on a page, the feelings are made manifest and therefore more tangible and controllable. I feel a sense of control when I can articulate my thoughts. If something can be said clearly, then it must be possible to understand it. If a problem or series of symptoms can be well understood, then a solution or a cure cannot be far off, right? Or so my thinking goes...
Writing about my feelings of failure does nothing to make me feel like less of a failure. Quite the opposite, really... analytical reporting exercises like this are more about wallowing self-pity and self-flagellation than about any real resolution to change my feelings. Other than a brief surge of hope that comes with the feeling of control from putting words on a page, I don't understand my (or anyone's) tendency to want to expose one's thoughts to the universe through language. Does saying (or writing) something out loud - outside of one's quietly simmering head-soup of thoughts - really have any impact on one's ability to cope with those thoughts and feelings? I could see where reading that someone else feels the way that I do could have a comforting and confirming effect on me. But then why do I bother to write for myself? I'm certainly not expressing this stuff in the hopes that I make someone else feel better and I don't have any realistic expectation of having this be the start of a dialogue. Writing like this is little more than me talking to myself.
Labels: Musing
posted @ 1:01 PM
